Divorce once involved dividing primarily physical and financial property. Today, separating couples may also need to decide how to manage shared online accounts, mutual social connections, family photographs, digital subscriptions, and the information they post about one another or their children.
Social media accounts are not usually divided like bank accounts or household property, but online activity can still affect communication, trust, privacy, co-parenting, and the divorce process itself.
When an Offline Separation Plays Out Online
Social media can become an outlet when someone is hurt, angry, lonely, or looking for support. A post that feels harmless in the moment, however, may be interpreted very differently by a spouse, child, attorney, or other person involved in the divorce.
Common sources of conflict include:
- Announcing the separation before both spouses have discussed it
- Posting criticisms or accusations about the other spouse
- Sharing photographs involving new relationships
- Discussing parenting disagreements publicly
- Allowing friends or relatives to comment on the divorce
- Posting information about travel, purchases, employment, or finances
- Sharing children’s schedules, locations, or personal information
Privacy settings may limit who can immediately see a post, but they do not provide complete control over screenshots, sharing, or information obtained through mutual contacts.
The American Bar Association’s discussion of social media during divorce and custody matters explains that online activity can create legal and practical complications. Participants should obtain advice from their independent attorneys before deleting existing content or making decisions that could affect a pending case.
Who Keeps the Friends and Followers?
There is rarely a practical way to divide mutual followers or require friends to choose one person over another. Each spouse can generally decide which personal connections to maintain, remove, mute, or block.
The more useful question may be how each person will handle those connections during and after the divorce. Some couples choose to discuss expectations concerning:
- Whether and when the separation will be announced
- What information will remain private
- How mutual friends and relatives will be treated
- Whether either person will post photographs of the other
- How shared family memories and tagged photographs will be handled
- Whether new relationships will be discussed online
- How the children’s privacy will be protected
The goal does not have to be identical online behavior. It may simply be to reduce foreseeable conflict and establish boundaries each person understands.
Social Media and Co-Parenting
Online decisions can become especially important when children are involved. Parents may have different views about posting photographs, identifying a child’s school or activities, sharing medical or educational information, or allowing a child to maintain social media accounts.
Parents may also want to discuss whether either household will post:
- Parenting schedules or exchange locations
- Details about disagreements between the parents
- Photographs that identify a child’s location
- Information a child would reasonably expect to remain private
- Negative comments about the other parent or household
These conversations can become part of broader parenting plan mediation. Addressing them directly may be more constructive than waiting for a disagreement to occur online.
Review Digital Privacy and Account Access
Separation is also an appropriate time for each person to review personal digital security. This may include changing passwords, enabling multifactor authentication, checking account-recovery information, reviewing connected devices, and confirming which applications have access to personal information.
Shared household accounts may require additional decisions. Couples may need to determine who will retain or replace accounts involving cloud storage, streaming services, photo libraries, mobile plans, email addresses, or family subscriptions.
The Federal Trade Commission’s online privacy resources provide general information about privacy settings, account security, and protecting personal information online.
Reviewing security does not mean attempting to conceal, destroy, or improperly access information. Questions involving potentially relevant records should be discussed with an independent attorney.
Can Social Media Boundaries Be Discussed in Mediation?
Yes. During divorce mediation, participants may identify online conduct that is creating conflict and discuss practical expectations for the future.
Depending on the family, those discussions might address:
- Announcements concerning the separation or divorce
- References to the other participant online
- Children’s photographs and personal information
- Communication through messaging platforms
- Shared digital accounts and subscriptions
- Boundaries involving relatives and mutual friends
- How future disagreements will be handled privately
The mediator does not monitor social media accounts or decide who is right. The mediator helps participants identify the issue, communicate their concerns, and consider terms they may voluntarily agree to follow.
Think Before Posting During Divorce
Social media can provide connection and support during a difficult transition, but it can also intensify misunderstandings and create new disagreements. Before posting, it may help to consider whether the information is accurate, necessary, respectful, and appropriate for children or others to encounter later.
CEL & Associates provides divorce and family mediation for participants in Chicago and communities throughout Illinois and Wisconsin. Meetings are available virtually, with in-person arrangements available when appropriate.
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